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The sky is BIG!

It’s been a dark week….a week of woe is me and no “Tra La Laa” to be found anywhere. Academia is not in my comfort zone and writing essays is traumatic. Shifting deadlines, lack of clarity on my part and a general sense of self doubt is the overwhelming aroma amidst the cinnamon and holly.

I find myself watching the to and fro in the Victorian Market whilst I await conversation from interested passers by, but they are scared off when I speak to them so I learn to be smiley and silent and I nod my greeting hoping that one, just one will come in and interrupt my reverie.

I question my previous resolve not to place unrealistic expectations upon myself when progressing through this degree. We do though don’t we? We say “Its fine”, “I’m not bothered, as long as I pass…” when in reality if there is any passion or desire to accomplish there is also a disappointment when we feel we haven’t quite performed to the best of our abilities.

Sitting here, cold and all alone (this is where you say “awww”) I am giving myself a gentle mental slap to jolt me out of this pitiable state, when a wonderful thing happens: someone stops to read our artists statements on the window. A quiet spoken gentleman enters and begins to tell me that my work is “simply stunning”. “The contrast between the light of the bird and the ancient nature of the Oak it sits on drew me in”, he says “I was drawn to the dance between the two, and the poem comes to life in its whorles and and echoes of wisdom”. He begins to tell me that the Gaelic language has 18 letters in its alphabet each of which is named after a tree or shrub. The consonants all have more than one pronunciation depending on their position in a word and which vowels precede or follow them. I am mesmerized by his knowledge and calming demeanour and when he leaves I feel less judgemental of self. Less doubting. More centred and more than a little grateful for a passer by not passing and sharing some of his day with me. The sky IS big and it is full of light even when the clouds of doubt descend; clarity comes eventually.

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